Few days later...

And still stuck! I just had a massive lunch of Tuna sandwich 3 giant fish sticks, a coke, and on my way back I grabbed a candy bar and some crackers.

I didn't touch the candy bar and crackers, I feel sick to my stomach (which seemed bigger a few minutes ago), but now I feel slow and tired and totally unmotivated.

Strike 1 for leaving exile. No, being a fatass is not a sin, but the self control associated with healthy eating is very much a Mitzva, in fact the Rambam calls healthy living "a path in the service of G-d".

Also, as we know, self control (mind controlling the heart) is an essential character of redemption, a release from the capitivy ehpomized by the exile in Mitzraim (Egyptian exile), and exile in general.

Basically, if I'm not in control of my own "heart" (meaning my emotions and urges), then I am captive by them, and hence my G-dly soul and power is "exiled" or captive. This doesn't mean that the name of the game is "deprive yourself of anything pleasurable", seems like that technique led more to priests molesting 8 year old boys then any sort of redemption.

At the same time, the idea is to control our physical desires, so as to direct them and use their power in a corrected and positive way. In terms of food - the cheese sticks were probably a mistake, did not add value and hurt me on both the short and long term. The 1:46 minutes of pleasure I got from the lucious melted motzerela dipped in Marinara was definitely not worth the cost. At the same time, there is even a place for Motzerrela sticks (Ok I have no idea how to spell that word, relax), but at the right frequency and quantity (blew it on both counts today).

Same is true with sex, sleep, self confidence, love (giving or receiving), or any other physical need. If we are captive by our body's needs, if we are not in control, then there is no end to the desire (until it catches up with us). Ever find yourself at the bottom of a big bag of chips wondering how the heck did you get there and feeling like throwing up? Same is true for everything else.

But how do you control yourself? Well, first, if I knew the answer then I wouldn't be sitting here talking about it. But, as far as what the tehoretical answer is - let's see (and maybe we will even get to apply it some how)...

Leaving Exile, The First Step

That's it, I have had it with exile and I am about to redeem myself, go through redemption, and live the life I am supposed to live. Of course there are no shortcuts like saying a special word or doing something weird and then being redeemed. It means leaving my old limitations, it means hard work every day.

The good news is that by leaving golus myself, I might also tip the scale and bring the whole world out of golus.

The funny thing is that I know everything I need to do. We all do. The trick is actually doing it.

That's why I decided to keep a daily log (this blog) of my progress. Please join me.